I don’t normally post quick video posts like this any more, but I think I’ll make an exception for Hillary Clinton’s mangling of Dmitry Medvedev’s name in yesterday’s Democratic debate.

To give Clinton some credit, though, she does at least know who calls the shots in Russia:

“I have no doubt that as the president of the United States, even though technically the meetings would be with the person labelled as president, the decisions will be made by Putin.”

Obama holds pretty much the same view, but was at least able to show off with a little background information about Putin.

“He is someone who was handpicked by Putin. And Putin has made it very clear he will continue to have the strongest hand in Russia when it comes to the government.”

Still, it’s nice to see that some consideration is being to Russia in the US Presidential election.

Update: Russia Today have a fuller report on the debate here.

Every now and then I like to write a short article pointing out the latest new (or, at least, new to me) blogs about Russia. It’s been a while since the last article like this, so as you can imagine, there are quite a few cool new Russia blogs out there.

First up is Soviet Russia - perhaps a unique dual-language blog about Russia. Instead of a Russian-English blog, it’s a Spanish-English blog. Every post will go up first in Spanish, and then in English.

Award for the best-subtitle on a Russia blog has to go to A Russia of My Own. How could anyone resist the temptation to read “The [Swedish] Bombshell’s guide to Higer Education [in Russia]”?

Da Russophile has actually been running for a few months now. I’d imagine their view of Russia is going to wind up a few:

Russia is a normal country with a booming non-hydrocarbons economy underpinned by a well-educated and secular workforce. The Putin administration has affirmed democratic values, worked to improve human rights and pursued Russia’s national interests abroad.

Russian Language and Culture has also been around for quite a while - I’m not quite sure how I missed it before.

There are a couple of new Russian history blogs out there too. First up is Igor’s Russian History Blog - Igor is a History professor at a US college, and the content will be used for his history classes.

Meanwhile, Russian History Blog has been resurrected under its new author - Translatorus.

Hmmm, that’s about it for this roundup. I think I’ve picked out all the new blogs, but if you’ve spotted any that I’ve missed then drop me a line, or leave a comment below.

The Putin era will end on Sunday, when Russia elects its next President.

Four men are vying for the top job - Putin’s Poodle, the Neo-Communist, Mad Vlad, and the liberal Masonic Grandmaster who likes to blog.

Dmitry Medvedev - United Russia
Official website: medvedev2008.ru

The unanswered question on everyone’s lips is - will President Medvedev be his own man, or just Putin’s Poodle?

So far, we’ve seen precious little independent spirit in Dmitry Medvedev. In fact, Vladimir Putin’s preferred candidate is the consumate civil servant - for the past decade, been quietly working in the background, supporting his political master’s career. He managed Putin’s 2000 election campaign and, in 2003 became the Kremlin’s Chief of Staff.

In a word - dull.

Only since 2005, when he was appointed First Deputy Prime Minister, has Medvedev had any kind of real public profile. He used it to good effect - seeing off the marginally more charismatic Sergei Ivanov in the race to become Putin’s unofficially nominated successor.

Of all the four Presidential candidates, Dmitry Medvedev probably has the most clearly defined policies - they consist essentially of doing the same as Vladimir Putin. So closely aligned, in fact, are the two men’s policies, that Medvedev has already invited Putin to become his first Prime Minister.

Perhaps Dmitry Medvedev’s one saving grace is that he is a hard rocker. It’s hard to imagine that a fan of Black Sabbath, Deep Purple and Led Zeppelin, could be a entirely slavish devotee of authority…

Prediction: Although Medvedev is polling at 75-80%, I’m going to stick my neck out and say he’ll finish up with around 60-65% of the popular vote. Scoring less than 50% would be an utter disaster for Medvedev but, barring an unexpected catastrophe, there’s no chance of his being forced into a run-off.

Gennady Zyuganov - Communist Party of the Russian Federation
Official website: kprf.ru/personal/zyuganov/

He might not look it from the picture, but Zyuganov is the battle scarred veteran of Russian politics.

In 1996, during some of Russia’s darkest days since the end of the Soviet Union, Zyuganov ran against Boris Yeltsin for the Presidency. Scoring 32% of the vote - just 3% less than Yeltsin - during the first round, he forced the election into a run-off. Zyuganov’s campaign focused on Yeltsin’s ill health, and the terrified incumbent President had to draw on all the advantages of state power to secure a narrow victory in the final round. In doing so, Yeltsin set the standard for all future ‘managed’ elections in Russia.

Zyuganov had another pop at the Presidency in 2000, scoring a reputable 29% of the vote and, although he had the good sense to avoid the 2004 race against an insanely popular Putin, he’s back for more this year.

Zyuganov’s chances of victory are all but nonexistent. The Communist Party’s core demographic is older voters, nostalgic for Soviet stability, and old Father Time is steadily killing off his support.

A number of disaffected younger Russians, who no longer remember the Communist era, are joining the Communist Party as an expression of their frustration, but probably not in large enough numbers to balance the losses among older supporters.

As you’d expect from a Communist - the core of his policy is based around renationalisation of private industry.

Polling at around 10%, Zyuganov will again be hoping for a second place finish. Anything above 25% would be a remarkable victory for him, and I’d imagine his campaign will try to establish him as the only reputable alternative for all disaffected Russians - especially now that Mikhail Kasyanov, the only recognisable Liberal candidate has been forced out of the race.

Prediction: Zyuganov will be thrilled that Kasyanov is out of the race. My money is on Zyuganov to exceed expectations, and pull in 20-25% of the popular vote, paving the way for one final tilt at the top job in 2012.

Vladimir Zhirinovsky - Liberal Democratic Party of Russia
Official website: ldpr.ru

Mad Vlad, they call him. Because he is.

Off all the candidates, Zhirinovsky is the most colourful. He’s an extreme nationalist, but at the same time a very pragmatic politician, who knows how to appeal to his base. An anti-semite with a Jewish father, he regularly calls for the reformation of the Soviet Union - he was a vocal supporter of the 1991 coup against Mikhail Gorbachev - and gets into fist fights in the Russian Parliament. Most would roll their eyes, but a small minority of voters love him.

As a result, Zhirinovsky has been a force in Russian politics for almost two decades, ever since he founded the very first official opposition party in the Soviet Union, way back in 1990.

The LDPR has now morphed into a nationalist party, but one with just about enough support to give it a few seats in the Russian Duma - probably helped by Zhirinovsky’s inspired decision to ask Andrei Lugovoi, the man wanted in Britain for poisoning Alexander Litvinenko, to head up the party list.

Since the fall of the Soviet Union, Zhirinovsky has run for President three times (along with Zyuganov, he chickened out of running against Putin in 2004), and never received more than 8% of the vote. His last run was in 2000, where he scored a disappointing 2.7% of the national vote.

Prediction: This year, in a small field, Zhirinovsky will be aiming to ride on the coat-tails of the Kremlin’s newly assertive foreign policy and break the 10% barrier for the first time. I’m not convinced of his broader appeal, though and think undecided anti-establishment voters would prefer to go with Zyuganov or Bogdanov instead, leaving Zhirinovsky with a disappointing but respectable 5-8%.

Andrei Bogdanov - Democratic Party of Russia
Official website: democrats.ru (link broken at time of writing)

At 38, Andrei Bogdanov is the youngest, and most unexpected candidate in this election.

Bodganov heads up a liberal party that is both genuinely liberal, and genuinely unpopular in Russia. How the leader of a party that managed to secure 0.3% of the popular vote in a national election a few months ago managed to secure 2 million signatures to get onto the ballot for the Presidential Election is anyone’s guess.

That his 2 million signatures were approved by the Central Election Commission, while the 2 million signatures of former Prime Minister Mikhail Kasyanov were ruled invalid has led to criticisms that Bogdanov is only in the election so that the Kremlin can remove its only real liberal opponent and still point to the results and say: “Look, Russia is a democratic country - there is a Liberal party in our elections, and nobody voted for them!”

Campaigning on a platform of integration with the European Union and NATO, Bodganov has no chance of securing a sizeable vote.

But, looking on the bright side, as well as being genuinely liberal, Bogdanov has long hair, and he’s the Grand Master of the Russian Masonic Lodge.

Oh, and Bogdanov is one of Russia’s most prominent political bloggers. In between political commentary, he likes to post pictures of himself in his swimsuit.

Bogdanov will be aiming to pick up votes from other disenfranchised liberals, plus the odd protest vote. A result of around 5% would be good, anything above that could potentially position himself and his party as one of the most influential Liberal parties in Russia ahead of the next round of Duma elections in a few years.

Prediction: Despite his weaknesses, Bogdanov is the only liberal candidate, and I think enough liberals will swallow their pride to push Bogdanov just past the 5% mark.

Former Nuclear Power Minister Yevgeny Adamov was today sentenced to five and a half years in jail by a Moscow court.

Adamov, who was convicted of stealing $30 million from a joint US-Russian uranium venture company, is also wanted in the United States on charges of stealing $9 million in US aid money that had been earmarked for improvements in Russian nuclear security. Unless the Russian constitution is changed to allow extradition, it looks unlikely, though, that Adamov will ever be tried in the US.

The Prosecution were disappointed by the sentence - they had called for nine years - and noted after the trial that Adamov’s theft had done significant damage to the Russian economy:

“Due to his activities, through stealing financial securities and abusing his powers, the damage to Russia directly and through missed opportunities, comes to almost $1bn.”

Sounds like hyperbole to me, although I’m sure the missed opportunity costs were greater than the $30 million Adamov actually stole.

Adamov has protested his innocence throughout the trial, insisiting defiantly that “I never took a kopek.” He has vowed to fight on to clear his name but, given that the US also want him on charges of theft on a grand scale, I doubt he will garner the same sympathy as other jailed Russian businessmen.

Incidentally, Adamov becomes the second former Russian minister to be jailed within the past few weeks - the Moscow Times yesterday reported that:

A Novosibirsk court last week found former Press Minister Boris Mironov guilty of inciting ethnic hatred but released him because the statute of limitations had expired.

Is this a new dawn in Russia’s fight against corruption, or just a continued settling of old scores?

If you’re in a bar in Russia, there’s live rock music playing, and the band spot you aren’t from Russia - chances are they’ll play the Beatles classic ‘Back in the USSR’ just for you. This post rounds up some of the coolest, and the oddest covers of ‘Back in the USSR’ that I could find on Youtube, and is dedicated those bands.

First up, lets start with an unexpected star turn from Sigourney Weaver - a con artist pretending to be a Russian, Sigourney is forced to sing the only traditional Russian song she can think of. Accompanied, naturally, by balalaikas.

What? Sigourney was a bit too slow for you? How about this from Ukrainian singer Ruslana then. Stick around to the 25 second mark - it’s well worth the wait for the ultimate in cheesy Eastern Euro-pop covers:

Hmm. Talking of mind-blowing, some say that a few select Beatles songs contain coded messages when played backwards. Is there a coded message in Back in the USSR? Find out for yourself:

OK - enough of the backwards silliness. Let’s go forwards again - this time with an oddly compelling fingerstyle version by PeaceJoyTown:

This Battlestar Galactica mashup is quite mellow too. Very, very odd though.

Speaking of odd - it’s the Hoff!

And there you have it. Let’s finish up with one final video of the only Beatle ever to actually sing Back in the USSR in Russia - yes, Paul McCartnery couldn’t resist throwing it into the playlist for his 2003 Red Square concert.

Did you spot a certain Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin in the crowd, his head almost imperceptably nodding along in time to the beat?

Vladimir Putin gave his final annual Press Conference as Russian President on Thursday.

According to Kommersant, at more than four hours, it was his longest ever and, as usual, Vladimir Vladimirovich has thrown out plenty of media-worthy quotes to excite press interest. Some crude, some scary, some twee.

To give you a flavour of the event, I’ve compiled some of my favourite quotes from the press conference and grouped them together around a few key themes.

On political leadership

It seems as though Putin wasn’t impressed with Hillary Clinton’s recent quip about his not having a soul. When asked what he thought of Clinton he quickly snapped back:

“A state official must at least have brains.”

Current President George W Bush, on the other hand, is clearly Putin’s soulmate:

“Sometimes you have to make decisions that nobody else can make… Do you think Bush has it easy?”

In his own job, Putin confessed that he works “like a galley slave”, but didn’t ask for any sympathy:

“Heads of state have no right to whinge, or drool for any reason… If they are going to slobber and blow snot and say things are bad, bad, then that’s how it will be.”

I don’t know about you, but to me those sound like the words of a man with a cold.

On being the richest man in the world

For a while now an unsubstantiated story has been floating around about Putin’s $40 billion wealth - his alleged ill-gotten gains from 8 years in the Kremlin. Putin clearly isn’t impressed by the man who has been spreading the rumours, bringing out the snot reference yet again:

“They picked it [the story] out of their noses and smeared it on paper.”

But in one sense, he really is the world’s richest man:

“That is true. I am the richest man in Europe and the whole world. I collect emotions. I am rich because the people of Russia have twice entrusted me with the top position in such a great country as Russia. I think this is my greatest wealth.”

On the future

Of course, the main question on everyone’s lips was “So, what are you going to do after the election, Vladimir Vladimirovich, when you have to move out of your shiny Kremlin office?”

For a change, Putin was willing to talk. Here’s a collection of his comments - I’ll leave it for you to judge what he meant:

“I know how the head of state’s job is set up, and assure you that our relations will be quite harmonious. I will never step in for the head of the government. I consider that damaging and counter-productive.”

“I should not cry but be happy that I have the opportunity to work in another capacity, and in another capacity to serve my country. I will be involved in the same tasks as when I was president. I will continue working.”

“The premiership is not a transitional post,” he said. “If I can see that in this capacity I can fulfill these goals, I will work as long as possible. There is no other answer.”

“I was never tempted to stay for a third term. Never,” he said. “From my first day of work as president I decided for myself that I would never violate the existing constitution. […]

Some are addicted to cigarettes, some, God forbid, to drugs, and some become addicted to money. They say that the worst addiction is to power. I have never felt that. I have never been addicted to anything.”

“The president is the guarantor of the constitution. He sets the main directions for internal and external policies. But the highest executive power in the country is the Russian government, headed by the prime minister”

On Foreign Affairs

As you’d expect, Putin was blunt, possibly even confrontational when stating his views on foreign policy. He certainly pulled very few punches. On US plans for a missile shield based in Poland and the Czech Republic he threw out a nuclear threat:

“Our experts believe that the system threatens our national security. If it appears, we will have to react adequately. We will probably have to retarget our missiles against those objects which threaten our security.”

In a move that will please many, Putin drew parallels between independence for Kosovo and other struggles for national liberation around the world. Surprisingly, though, he shied away from traditional examples, such as Trans-Dniester, and instead cited Cyprus:

“I don’t want say anything that would offend anyone, but for 40 years northern Cyprus has practically had independence,” Putin said. “Why aren’t you recognizing that? Are you not ashamed in Europe of the double standards you are applying to settle problems?”

“I will yet again emphasize that we consider that unilateral support for independence for Kosovo is immoral and illegal.”

The greatest disdain, however, was reserved for those who want to monitor Russia’s Presidential election for compliance with ‘democratic’ standards.

“Let them teach their wives to make cabbage soup”

Indeed. At this rate, I’m going to need to update my Putin quotes to live your life by article.

Update: A full transcript of the press conference can be found at kremlin.ru. Thanks to Ger for the link.

The Russian Air Force is very keen to tell the world it’s back. This weekend alone, Russian Tu-95 Bear bombers first violated Japanese airspace and then, in their most audacious flight for a fair few years, went on to ‘buzz’ the US Aircraft Carrier USS Nimitz.

Violation of Japanese Airspace
On Saturday, a Russian Tu-95 bomber overflew the Pacific island of Sofugan, 650km (400 miles) south of Tokyo for three minutes. The Japanese air force took the incursion so seriously that they scrambled 22 fighter jets to escort the Russian bomber out of Japanese airspace.

The furious Japanese government have demanded an explanation from Moscow, but a Russian Air Force spokesman was adamant that they have done nothing wrong:

All flights of the Russian Air Force were carried out in accordance with international air space regulations without breaching the other states’ borders.

Many in Japan are suspicious that the overflight was linked to an annual rally to demand the return of the Kurile Islands to Japan - they were seized by Soviet troops at the end of the Second World War and never returned. Despite recent concilliatory moves, both Japan and Russia still dispute the status of the islands, and have as a result, never signed a formal treaty ending their Second World War conflict.

Buzzing the USS Nimitz Aircraft Carrier

The story which has really hit the headlines, though, was the Tu-95 that buzzed the USS Nimitz - flying directly over the nuclear powered aircraft carrier at a height of just 600 metres not just once, but twice.

Four US F/A 18 fighter jets were scrambled and escorted the Russian Bear until it was comfortably out of range, but US officials are playing down the incident.

Naval Admiral Gary Roughead told reporters:

“It was a very benign flight that came through, and we just latched on to them and followed them in. I know I’m not playing this up very much, but that’s the way I see it. They came out to look. We joined up (and) flew with them until they went home.”

The Russian bomber was one of a squadron of four that approached the US carrier, but the only one to actually fly directly overhead. Because it was in international waters, though, the US could not legally prevent the Russian plane from flying overhead.

A new, more assertive Russia?

Reports of provocative Russian military activity are becoming increasingly frequent, right across the globe. Russia’s military is better funded than it has been for more than a decade, and the Kremlin feels that it is time to demonstrate that Russia is not quite the military basket case it once was.

But, all the same, there isn’t much to worry about here. Flights like these make good copy for the papers, but otherwise they don’t really surprise anyone in the world’s militaries.

The last Russian overflight of a US carrier was only four years ago, and the last Russian incursion into Japanese airspace was just two years ago. Incidents like these really are relatively common.

And I’m certain that, if the Russian’s sole remaining aircraft carrier ventured out of port more often, US planes would make their own overflights from time to time…

I think Russian paper Kommersant have probably got it about right when they point out that the Japanese and American militaries should actually be thanking the Russians:

A total of 22 fighters of various type, two early-warning planes and E-3A guidance AWACS were involved, so the Japanese could thank their Russian colleagues for the drill.

They should also be thanking the Russians for giving them yet another up close view of the Russian bomber’s flight capabilities - I’m sure both the Japanese and Americans will have collected bucketloads of valuable data, which someone, somewhere will be merrily analysing.

Georgian tycoon and opposition politician Badri Patarkatsishvili died in London last night - rumours are swirling that he has been murdered, another Litvinenko.

Patarkatsishvili’s aides are reporting that he died of a heart attack, but Patarkatsishvili was an opponent of both Russian President Vladimir Putin and Georgian President Mihail Saakashvilli - and he is a close friend of exiled Russian oligarch Boris Berezovsky. Patarkatsishvili was recently charged with plotting a coup in Georgia, and was reportedly in fear of his life so, as you can imagine, the British press (notably the Daily Mail) are having a field day with this story.

The police, as is common with any unexplained death, are currently treating the death as “suspicious”, which is feeding the fire at the moment. An autopsy is due later today, so hopefully we’ll have a clearer picture shortly.

Enemies

Patarkatsishvili certainly had a lot of enemies, so I’m really not at all surprised that the police are treating his death as suspicious. He had massive business interests in Russia, and has at times been a vocal critic of Putin. But, much as the conspiracy theorists might like to link this death with Putin, Patarkatsishvili was on even worse terms with the current Georgian leader, and if one is going to investigate an assassination attempt, that would be the best place to start.

Patarkatsishvili was a fervent supporter of Saakashvilli during Georgia’s Rose Revolution of 2004, but had a severe falling out over recent years, and Patarkatsishvili recently did his utmost to bring down Saakashvilli’s Presidency. Taking advantage of strife within Georgia he self-financed his campaign in last month’s Georgian Presidential election. His money wasn’t enough to secure victory though, and he lost the election heavily.

Saakashvilli celebrated his victory with revenge - almost immediately after the election, Patarkatsishvili was charged with plotting a coup against the Georgian government. Patarkatsishvili was, until his death last night, a wanted man.

Tape

Patarkatsishvili had already expressed fears that he might be assassinated and, so far, press speculation is centering on an alleged conversation between a Georgian Interior Ministry official and Uvais Akhmadov, described as a Chechen warlord from last December, in which a plot to assassinate him was allegedly discussed:

“It’s now a political issue . . . We’ll be able to deal with him – that’s not a problem. Even if he has 100 people guarding him, well that’s not a problem. Our issue is such that we’ll destroy these guards.

A plan could be constructed in such a way to do it professionally, leave as few traces as possible . . .

“Whoever was to do this . . . we want to be able to explain to the people in Georgia that it was Russia.

(You can listen to the full tape - in Russian - on the Sunday Times website).

Of course, Patarkatsishvili could also have died of natural causes and, unless some direct evidence emerges, this is how the British Police will eventually look at his death - formally, at least. Certainly he was complaining the other day of feeling slightly unwell during a meeting - his spokesman Lord Bell reported:

“At one point, he complained he was a little overcome by the warmth of the room and left to get some fresh air.”

One to watch. I’ll try to keep this post updated as the story develops.

There have been a lot of Bond Girls, but everyone knows that Russian Bond Girls are the sexiest.

Here’s a brief rundown of every Russian Bond Girl, ever.

Tatiana Romanova - From Russia With Love (Daniela Bianchi)

A Corporal in the Soviet Army, Tatiana Romanova believes she is on a secret mission for her country to seduce James Bond. Instead, she is just a unwitting pawn of the evil SPECTRE, who want to get their evil mitts on LEKTOR, the Soviet encryption machine.

Although James Bond suspects a trap, he meets with Tatiana, who plans to defect with the LEKTOR machine.

After spending some quality time together, Bond and Romanova blow up the Soviet embassy in Istanbul and flee with the LEKTOR machine on the Orient Express. There, in the climactic scene, Romanova shoots Klebb, the assassin pursuing them, saving Bond’s life.

Top Quote:

Tatiana Romanova: The mechanism is… Oh James, James… Will you make love to me all the time in England?
James Bond: Day and night. Go on about the mechanism.

Anya Amasova - The Spy Who Loved Me (Barbara Bach)

In the intro to The Spy Who Loved Me, James Bond is attacked by a group of ski-ing KGB assassins. Before parachuting to freedom, he manages to kill one of his attackers - who just happens to be Amasova’s lover.

Amasova is also a KGB agent and throughout the film, she and Bond are on the trail of a stolen nuclear submarine. Competing with each other to fulfil their mission the pair, of course, fall in love.

Then Amasova finds out that James Bond killed her lover…

Amasova swears revenge but, ever the KGB professional, she refuses to kill him until they have completed their mission.

In the final scene, Amasova tells Bond “This mission is now over” and ominously points her gun at the British secret agent.

But, of course, Amasova discovers that her love for Bond is too strong for her to carry out her threat. Instead she shoots the cork off a bottle of champagne, and the two pop off into a luxury escape pod to catch up on old times…

Top Quote:

James Bond: Oh, by the way, thanks for deserting me back there.
Anya Amasova: Every woman for herself, remember?
James Bond: Still, you did save my life.
Anya Amasova: We all make mistakes, Mr. Bond.

Pola Ivanova - A View to a Kill (Fiona Fullerton)

Pola Ivanova has a short, but sweet, role in A View to a Kill.

Ivanova is, of course, another of those mysterious women from Bond’s past who just happens to also be a Soviet spy. Caught spying on billionaire villain Max Zorin, Ivanova fights with Bond until the pair fortunately recognise each other.

They then, of course, have to hop into the hot tub to wash off the sweat and blood.

Having done the not so dirty, Bond then steals a secret tape from Ivanova, swapping it for a less intersting tape of Japanese music, and goes back to fighting the evil Zorin.

Top Quote:

The bubbles tickle my… Tchaikovsky!

Xenia Onatopp - Goldeneye (Famke Janssen)

Lots of Bond girls were murderers, but Xenia Onatopp was the only Bond girl to get her sexual kicks from murdering people - preferably between her famously powerful thighs.

Early in the film, Onatopp murders a Canadian Admiral by crushing him between her thighs while loudly orgasming, and it’s not long before James Bond becomes her target. Twice during the film, Onatopp attempts to squeeze Bond to death between her legs, but is thwarted each time after an arousing contest.

When not trying to fulfil her murderous sexual desires, Xenia Onatopp is a crack helicopter pilot. After the fall of the Soviet Union she put her skills (both sexual and aviational) to good use for the JANUS crime syndicate, first stealing a prototype European helicopter from the unfortunate Canadian General, and then flying Russian General Arkady Ourumov across Siberia to steal the Goldeneye satellite weapon’s controller.

In their final confrontation, Bond as always finds himself in a tight squeeze. However, yet another sultry Russian is on hand to distract Onatopp and save Bond yet again. Having escaped Onatopp’s clutches, Bond kills her by shooting her helicopter pilot - Xenia Onatopp is appropriately crushed to death by her own safety harness.

Top Quote:

This time, Mr. Bond, the pleasure will be all mine.

Natalya Simonova - Goldeneye (Izabella Scorupco)

Computer programmer Natalya Simonova is the sole survivor of the attack in which General Arkady Ourumov and Xenia Onatopp’s steal the Goldeneye controller.

Simonova meets Bond while the two of them are tied up, captives of rogue MI6 agent Alex Trevelyan. Naturally, despite being trussed up in a helicopter programmed to self-destruct, the two escape together and become lovers.

Many adventures ensure before Simonova saves the day not once, but twice. After reprogramming the Goldeneye satellite to crash harmlessly into the ocean, she turns her attentions to femme fatale Xenia Onatopp, distracting her briefly from her mission to crush James Bond.

Top Quote:

Natalya Simonova: How can you be so cold?
James Bond: It’s what keeps me alive.
Natalya Simonova: No. It’s what keeps you alone.

Bonus Bond Girl: Camille - The Quantum of Solace (Olga Kurylenko)

Looking through the article, you might have noticed that Russian Bond Girls have always been portrayed by actors from the West - never from Russia or the Soviet Union. Well, that’s about to change - almost - with the introduction of the first Ukrainian Bond Girl.

Ukrainian actress Olga Kurylenko has been announced as one of two Bond Girls who will star in the upcoming movie, provisionally titled Bond 22 (or, possibly, if you believe Daniel Craig, just ‘007′). She will play the role of Camille.

Not much has been announced about the fim yet, but judging by the sound of her name, and that Kurylenko is a big star in France, it sounds as though ironically, she may be the first Eastern European actress to play a Western Bond Girl.

Kurylenko , discovered by a talent scout on the Moscow metro when she was just 13, has been causing quite a storm in the media in recent weeks - not just because she is a beautiful pre-Bond girl, but because she appears in the recently released French film The Serpent, which contains quite a lot of nudity and some rather explicit Japanese rope bondage scenes.

Russia isn’t the only place holding a Presidential election in 2008, you know. The more eagle eyed amongst you may have spotted that there is a rather trivial contest currently taking place in America.

It’s Super Tuesday today in the US so, in the interests of making sure that all elections are covered fairly, I thought I’d take a look at what each of the remaining US presidential candidates has to say about Russia and about our hero Vladimir Putin, the mighty President they all hope one day to emulate…

Let’s start off with the Republican candidates. And, it must be said, some of them have some very strange views indeed.

First up is Mitt Romney, who really knows how to spew out the verbal vomit. Take, for example, his response to the news that Time Magazine had nominated Putin as their Person of the Year:

“Oh, you are kidding. That’s disgusting. I’m absolutely - I mean, are you - I mean, I haven’t seen Time. Are you serious?”

But at least he recovered his composure enough to tell us just why he was disgusted:

“Well, you know, he imprisoned his political opponents. There have been a number of highly suspicious murders. He has squelched public dissent and free press. And to suggest that someone like that is the man of the year is really disgusting. I’m just appalled.”

At least he’s concerned. Ron Paul, the doggedly determined outsider candidate, seemed to be more concerned with demonstrating his independence from mainstream thought than actual politics when he became the sole member of the House to vote against a 2007 resolution that noted…

“…the disturbing pattern of killings of numerous independent journalists in Russia since 2000, and urging Russian President Vladimir Putin to authorize cooperation with outside investigators in solving those murders.”

Ron Paul excepted, the Republican party line seems to be ‘we don’t love Putin’. Mick Huckabee is no exception. When asked about Putin’s infamous topless fishing picture, Huckabee confessed his true love for another:

“While I am impressed with the fact he can get out and go fishing, the shirtless photo doesn’t do anything for me. Now, if it was a picture of Scarlett Johansson, that would be another story.”

Indeed.

The Republican prize, though, has to go to old-timer John McCain, who drew on all his years of experience to look deep into Putin’s eyes and see more than just his soul:

“I know Mr. Putin. I’ve looked into his eyes, and I saw three letters — KGB.”

McCain’s not just about the soundbytes, though - he’s able to resist the urge to get all hysterical and give us considered analysis as well:

Putin is going to cause us a lot of difficulties…I don’t think it’s going to be a return to the cold war, they don’t have the population…anything that would bring around the kind of military might that they once had, even with the petrodollars….but they are trying to reassert the Russian empire…and they are going to be a thorn in our side.

As I write this, there are only two Democratic candidates still standing - Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.

Hillary, as you might expect, trots out a tired soundbite:

“This is the president that looked into the soul of Putin, I could have told him, he was a KGB agent, by definition he doesn’t have a soul, I mean this is a waste of time, right, this is nonsense.”

Now where have we heard that before?

Clinton seems to have pretty much given up on the idea of promoting democracy in Russia, too:

“I’m interested in what Russia does outside its borders first. I don’t think I can, as the president of the United States, wave my hand and tell the Russian people they should have a different government.”

At least Barack Obama finds time to talk policy about Russia, even if he is dull, and manages to slightly contradict himself:

We will not pursue unilateral disarmament. As long as nuclear weapons exist, we’ll retain a strong nuclear deterrent. But we’ll keep our commitment under the Nuclear Non Proliferation Treaty on the long road towards eliminating nuclear weapons. We’ll work with Russia to take U.S. and Russian ballistic missiles off hair-trigger alert, and to dramatically reduce the stockpiles of our nuclear weapons and material. We’ll start by seeking a global ban on the production of fissile material for weapons. And we’ll set a goal to expand the U.S.-Russian ban on intermediate-range missiles so that the agreement is global.

So, there you have it. You can now make a considered decision as to which candidate best represents your views on Russia.

But, before you go, just a quick reminder of why these six candidates have survived this far - they’re not as stupid as Bill Richardson:

“If I am elected President I will… seek immediate negotiations with the Soviet Union.”

And now, to vote…